I am sitting in the surgery waiting room. Even 6 months ago, I would not have expected to be here. Then again, I guess, if I have learned anything over the course of the last year, it is that we will face opposition from the Enemy. I guess that may sound paranoid, but it is just the fact of what happens. I should know this already.
Attacks from Satan are not unheard of in my life.
We released our first “broadcast” video a year ago on April 24th (a Sunday night of course). We had no idea what we were doing. We were just going to do it and learn along the way.
We started out with 1000 clicks on our Facebook video. I think many of those were curiosity clicks. It would not take long for our audience to diminish to our true viewers and supporters.
Suddenly, I lost a job (would be unemployed for over 3 months. Then the expenses increase….appliances failing, car problems, increases in living expenses. Of course, the basement would be flooded three times; the last time we would find out that the sewage pipes, past our driveway, was crushed (old clay pipe) and that the city would deem it our problem, not theirs. Even more expenses. And more opportunities to trust God for provision. God provided.
We almost completely lost our health insurance, God provided. We continued. We were able to use our gifts at our church, especially surrounding the Christmas Season. We continued….at least for awhile.
Heartbreak and family problems began to break me….badly. I won’t go into those details other than to say that there are people in my life who simply need to stop what they are doing. One in particular promised to make my life as difficult as possible. I have learned to true meaning when Jesus said to forgive 70 times 7 times. Believe me when I say that a person who will not stop making life difficult for you becomes increasingly harder to forgive. It’s a long story and I will just leave things there.
Now, I find myself struggling. Struggling to trust. Struggling to forgive. I have written songs about forgiveness. Now, I feel like a hypocrite. I fully understand the theology of forgiveness. I don’t need a reminder. Knowledge can be very different from practice and application. And here I stand. It is not a good place.
Ginny writes songs about God bringing her through the hardest times of life. I am proud of her. She is stronger than she realizes.
Breast cancer is a serious thing. I praise God that the doctors caught it early. We have openly prayed for people with cancer and even seen good reports and healing. Now this. A process. It only disheartens me more. Family frustration is bad enough. Our prayer is that the surgeon will no find the cancer and that she will have been completely healed by God’s hand of grace and power. The Gospel John tells us that the Word became flesh and dwelt among us, full of grace and truth. We often read that not realizing that the truth part of that is essential in understanding the extent of Christ’s purpose. The truth is that God heals and provides. It is part of the name of Jesus. I have taught on the more than once. God’s grace is found in His truth. There really would be no grace at all without truth. For what would be the reason for grace if the truth of our human condition was not made evident. Jesus does not just “get us”. He does accept us but also shines light on our need to change by turning from our wicked ways.
Those songs that Ginny has written? They need to be recording and released for others to hear and experience what comes with them. That takes time and energy. I am also on a steep learning curve as we are attempting to record at home. Modern technology in mind blowing. I am choosing not to use AI to make everything happen but am using AI to assist. That way I don’t give up creative control and can make my own choices. It’s not unlike using other musicians and engineers. I have messed around with AI production to make a silly song online. And it was….silly, at best. What I am doing to record Ginny’s songs is a totally different animal. In short, I am giving starting points. I need to follow through and complete the task.
Follow through. Run the race before me.
At the end of the day, my day job has me mentally exhausted. I am not young and fully of youthful energy. 62 hit me hard last year.
I have my own discouraging health concerns. I am facing eyelid surgery to remove eyelashes that grow into my eyes. It may sound like a minor thing (and, perhaps, is minor in light of other health concerns) but then again, live every day, 24 hours a day, feeling like there is something poking your eye (which is actually what is happening). The procedure to fix that is at the end of the week for me. That is the least of my concerns. Essential hands tremors, profound weakness and exhaustion after trying to complete the simplest of tasks, chronic pain. Yeah, I am out of shape and older. Still, the doctors do not find my experience normal, what ever “normal” is supposed to be.
I have to push through it all and trust God for the results. That is faith.
We realize that will not fulfill our heart desire to reach out to other churches unless we record music for pastors and church leaders to hear and make decision on. It’s just the nature of what we do. Time is limited and we are not getting younger.
Time.
This seems to be an impossible task. With God, it is not impossible. I guess to work through our own struggles, we needed to stop and refocus. We do hope to return to the broadcast but for now, we need to do a few different things. We need to complete some things.
Please don’t give up on us and please, please please, pray for us. We will always believe in the power of prayer and even more so, the power that God pours out upon us.